we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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