why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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