fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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