Cold hands, warm shart.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
