sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize