plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this beer tastes like vomit already
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
