Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
