Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
