I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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