people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
