There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
