A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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