U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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