Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
