Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
