I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
