i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
