You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
