He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
