I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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