I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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