That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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