somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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