I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
