it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
