my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
