they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
