You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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