I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this boner is exhausting
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
