I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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