Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
