I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
