Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
