I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
