how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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