When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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