Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So many bounce houses so little time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
