bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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