is your mom at the bar?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
