PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
