i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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