your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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