Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
