i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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