dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
