Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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