she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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