I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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