You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
