I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
