between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
