so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
