i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
