the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
