I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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