i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
