Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
