So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
