fuck your aforementioned shoe
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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