Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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