i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
