Duck Duck Cougar?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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