The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
