So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
