You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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