There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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