I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
