He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
whose parrot is this?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
