well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
