I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
