Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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