I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
