I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
